What to look for in a mother

*I understand that for some people, the word “mother” is a painful word. If this is you, I hope you know that you are still loved and valued and I am in no way offended if you would rather not read this blog post.

Many people have had mothers. Many people have traveled. Some people have children. At least some of the people who travel with children are mothers. If you have children, want to travel, and are planning on bringing along a mother for the children I suggest looking for one that comes with the following.

A healthy dose of flexibility. Sometimes when you are about to drive to Florida on Saturday morning, your friend will text Friday night asking if you saw the blizzard warning for the next day. So you decide to jump in the van an entire day early and just start driving.

An inability to keep their eyes on the road. Rather than be a “backseat driver” it is more fun if the mother is enamored with all the sights along the way and points out everything interesting. This makes the trip more fun for everyone (and makes the driver feel less judged).

A tolerance for dirt. Inevitably the children will get dirty, very dirty. When you get frustrated with the fact that you can’t tell where the dirt ends and your children begin, it is helpful to have a mother who thinks it’s funnier than annoying.

A willingness to try anything food-wise. Food can be a challenge when traveling. Having a mother who not only isn’t afraid of trying new foods but wants to figure out how to make things herself and can live with her mistakes is a huge bonus. Especially when you can’t find the normal things you buy at whatever grocery store you happen to find.

An extensive knowledge of faux swears. Sometimes when you are rushing to make it to rope-drop at Disney World and you slam the van door, you might catch the mother’s finger in it. While you are in no position to judge at that moment, only having your children learn faux-swear words is the preferable option.

An ability to forgive. If you are going to start off your last day at Disney World by smashing the mother’s finger in a door because of your own misplaced sense of urgency, it is not necessarily expected but is an incredible bonus if the mother has the ability to forgive you. This will be more thrilling emotionally than Splash Mountain. (It will also be less racist. I have no idea how Splash Mountain survived all these decades.)

Happy Mother’s Day!

DISCLAIMER: The stories contained within this blog post may or may not be based on true stories. Let the reader understand.