Hope deferred makes the heart sick.

If there was one sentence that would sum up the experience of 2020, I would say it absolutely has to be “Hope Deferred Makes the Heart Sick.”

As terrible as death, sickness and unemployment are, these are the bad things that we have a framework for. 

But having the entire world lose what they were hoping for all at once is an unprecedented shock to our collective psyche.

A trip to Disneyworld that your family had saved for years for.

Cancelling the wedding you had spent over a year planning. In other cases going ahead and getting married but without your dad there to walk you down the aisle like you had dreamed of since you were little.

The conference your non-profit had spent two years pouring their heart and soul into suddenly became a zoom meeting.

It wasn’t just the day to day joys of life that were cancelled, but the dreams and plans we had that got us through our normal tough days.

A few years ago when I had to go on a 41 day work trip away from my family, a wise friend told me to plan a big trip afterwards. That way when I face-timed with the kids we didn’t just look forward to “daddy coming home” but “when we go on our big trip TOGETHER.” There was a shared dream. It helped keep us feeling like a team.

I think we haven’t fully taken into account the loss of things hoped for. Hope gives our lives meaning and purpose. We meet strangers and immediately bond over shared hope.

We lost a lot of hopes this past year. Whether it was a job that was materializing, a wedding, even a trip to Disney World, losing the thing that you were looking forward to in the blink of an eye is a tough emotional blow.

It’s ok to acknowledge it.

The pain and loss is real.

You are right to be hurt by it.

Step 2 is I think just as important. You need to dream again.